I moved to the Bay Area with my wife to find a tech job. We're now both unemployed

I moved to the Bay Area with my wife to find a tech job. We're now both unemployed — this is just a broken system.

Tess Martinelli

Sat, Apr 19, 2025, 3:07 AM 5 min read

Selfie of Phil Stafford. — Cybersecurity professional Phil Stafford has been living in the Bay Area for six months and has yet to land full-time tech work.Photo courtesy of Phil Stafford

Phil Stafford moved to the Bay Area from Fresno, California, to work in cybersecurity.
Stafford's wife lost her sales job as soon as the couple relocated.
He says networking has helped him get contracts, but it's not enough; the system is broken.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Phil Stafford, a 45-year-old cybersecurity professional based in Oakland, California. It's been edited for length and clarity.

After I struggled for two years to find consistent tech work, my wife and I took a leap of faith and moved from Fresno, California, to the Bay Area — the tech hub of the country, located three hours northwest.

However, a week after moving, my wife got laid off from her job, and we went into full survival mode. I had never been more frightened for my ability to exist than at that moment.

We've spent the last six months scrambling to find work and having difficult conversations about our future. Here's how we're supporting each other during this time and staying afloat.

I've been applying for jobs for two years

For about a decade, I managed all technical needs for the janitorial business my wife and I owned. Then the company shut down.

After that, I started doing contract cybersecurity consulting work while working toward my bachelor's degree in cybersecurity and information assurance. I earned my degree from Western Governors University in 2022, but my freelance opportunities started to dry up in Fresno.

Since then, I've been able to find some contract roles, but the last two years have been spent unsuccessfully applying for full-time jobs.

Every rejection feels personal

In the early days, I used Indeed and LinkedIn to apply for jobs a lot, but I landed maybe two or three interviews in all the time I was on there.

I used to dedicate a lot of time to customizing each cover letter and résumé, and I'd catch myself getting my hopes up and fantasizing about what my life would be like with that job. I simply don't have the emotional bandwidth to do that anymore.

Every rejection feels like a social wound. It's hard not to tie it back to my self-worth as a person.

AI has been helpful, but networking has given me more success

AI has been a great tool for helping me write my cover letters while giving me back physical and emotional time. Since utilizing AI, I've started getting more rejections, as opposed to radio silence. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

The only real success I've found has been through networking and connecting on a human level. In Fresno, I found some contract jobs by directly reaching out to people via LinkedIn or email. People have been able to help me find opportunities or introduce me to someone else who can.

But ultimately, I felt like my job opportunities were limited there. We left our month-to-month rental in Fresno and have been staying in Airbnbs in the East Bay Area ever since.

My wife and I moved to the Bay Area six months ago

We're currently working on locking down a more permanent arrangement with an Airbnb host.

After my wife got laid off, not only did we now have no reliable income, but we had just uprooted ourselves from our entire support network at home. Moving was a leap of faith, and since then, we've been scrambling to make ends meet.

I've found a lot more work since moving, plus networking is so much easier, so I feel like it was absolutely the right choice to move. That being said, we're still not making nearly enough as we'd like, but we've decided there's no going back. There simply isn't enough opportunity in Fresno.

Here's how my wife and I have been supporting each other during this time

My wife and I have always had great, open communication, but the last six months have probably been the hardest on that particular mechanism. We've had lots of tough conversations about how we're going to pay our bills.

Even though things are financially chaotic, the most helpful thing we've been doing is staying interested in our hobbies, entertaining each other, and having deep, emotionally fulfilling conversations.

After a meeting with my engineering research group, I can come home to my wife and say, "Hey, these are all the cool things we're doing," and she doesn't have to understand; she just has to nod and say, "That's awesome."

She can also talk to me about the people she meets at church or nerd out with me about history. We are a unit, and that's not going to change.

We're trying to diversify our income streams

I'm still applying for jobs and hunting for more consulting work, and I won't give up.

My wife is applying for new jobs while also starting to build her own patient advocacy firm.

The biggest thing I've had to remind myself of is that I'm not alone. It sounds trite, but it reminds me that this is not a personal failure. This is just a broken system, and we're all suffering.

If you would like to share how you're managing long-term unemployment while searching for full-time work, please email the editor, Manseen Logan, at mlogan@businessinsider.com.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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