Will the Man in the Funny Hat Replace Angela Merkel?

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(Bloomberg Opinion) -- Just the other day, Armin Laschet, the premier of North Rhine-Westphalia, stood in a cage on a podium in his native Aachen, wearing a funny hat and doing his best to be, you know, hilarious. That’s one of his roles in German politics. It was also his job that day, because he was receiving an award for levity (yes, there’s such a thing). It helped that this is Germany, where the bar for humor is low; that the atmosphere was typical of the Rhine regions, and thus jovial and boozy; and that a percussion band marked his punchlines with eardrum-bursting blasts, lest the audience miss their cues to laugh.

Could this be Germany’s next chancellor? According to one scenario, he might be, especially if there’s any basis to rumors of a possible backroom deal to clarify the country’s leadership succession.

Germany’s been in turmoil since Feb. 10, when the former heir apparent to succeed Angela Merkel as chancellor, Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer, announced that she would not be a candidate, and would also stand down as boss of the center-right Christian Democratic Union (CDU), to which both women and Laschet belong. AKK, as she’s known, added that she’d like to stay on as defense minister, but would concentrate on facilitating an orderly handover to the eventual party leader and candidate, to be decided at a conference in December.

Within a day, however, a consensus emerged in Berlin that this slow timetable just won’t work. The world is too unstable, and its economy, buffeted by trade wars and a coronavirus, is too fragile for the European Union’s largest country to take a year-long policy sabbatical. Within the EU, Germany is due to take over the rotating presidency of the Council of Ministers this summer, just as controversies loom about the bloc’s budget, its enlargement to the Balkans, and much else.

So a faster transition is necessary. And yet, it’s also clear that the choice of the CDU’s next leader must coincide with a potentially wrenching debate about the party’s future direction, after 20 years of Merkel leading it, 14 of those as chancellor. In particular, the party must clarify how centrist or conservative it wants to be, and how it will deal with the far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD). After all, it was the AfD that — with a cynical maneuver in a regional parliament on Feb. 5 — sparked this whole crisis.

One man who would represent a clear break with Merkel’s legacy is Friedrich Merz, 64. He was a leading conservative politician in the 1990s until he was ousted as the CDU’s parliamentary leader in 2002, by none other than Merkel. Ever since, the two have hated each other. Ideologically, Merz stands against Merkel’s woolly centrism. He believes that confrontation is good for democracy. He’s unapologetically pro-business, and used to be famous for demanding a tax reform so radical that Germans would be able to fit their entire returns on the back of a beer coaster.