Whether you're aiming to climb the wealth ladder, make prudent investments or simply manage your finances with more insight, the cosmos might have some guidance to offer.
Step into the world of fiscal foresight with me, Madame Villamere, your unaccredited and thoroughly unqualified financial astrologer.
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My money-minded predictions are whimsically woven from church basement finance clubs, futuristic AI forecasts, prophetic dream revelations and the brainwaves of my psychic pets network.
So, let's explore what the universe has in store for your financial well-being this week.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Money's calling, Aries! And it's saying, 'Check under those couch cushions.' Who knows? You might just fund your next coffee run with the treasure you find.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Hello, Taurus! This week, your snack cravings are high, but your vending machine trust is low. Remember, shaking the machine is not an approved financial strategy.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Hey Gemini, good luck making financial decisions this week. You'll change your mind more times than you change your Netflix password. Spoiler: You'll end up saving by default.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Cancers, get ready to stumble upon a gift card you forgot you had. It's like finding a twenty in your winter coat, but less cash and more, "Oh, I guess I'm shopping here."
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Leos, your cat will find money this week. No, it's not starting its hedge fund, it just found some loose change in the corner of your closet.
Read more: 'There's no real good end': Wall Street bear says the US is in the 'greatest credit bubble of human history' — and it's going to pop. How to prepare your portfolio for a 'huge crash'
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, your attention to detail finally pays off. You'll find an accounting error in your favor. It's like winning the lottery, but with way less money and way more spreadsheets.