Originally published by Judith Sherven, PhD on LinkedIn: Are You Failing To Maximize Your Impact As A Manager?

Are you, in your role as a manager, “guilty” of any of these....

*** Worrying about hurting people’s feelings?

*** Insisting that how you see the issue is the only way to see it?

*** Always concerning yourself with being “too involved,” “too arrogant,” “too.......anything”?

These are just a few of the ways that we’ve seen managers, often people who have the capacity to be quite good managers, get in the way of their potential impact on the people who are looking to them for help.

Sometimes the problem originates in the individual’s inexperience as a manager. They were outstanding in their role as a sales person, an engineer, a marketing whiz...and then they were promoted to being a manager. But, unfortunately they received little or no preparation for their new role. And so they have good reason to be concerned.

Sometimes the problem develops when the manager’s own manager gives advice that conflicts with the junior manager’s values, personality, or some other issue. Hence, the cause for concerns.

And sometimes it’s the manager’s psychological underpinnings that generate behavior that undermines their impact and their reputation.

Example A - Manager “A” was raised by a father who was emotionally brutal, screaming at every little thing, putting the children down any time he was upset. Consequently “A” learned to be “good” in order to avoid as much abuse as possible. Later as a manager, she had trouble expressing critical feedback for fear of hurting people’s feelings, of upsetting them, but had no association to her early years as the cause of her concern.

Example B - Manager “B” grew up in an alcoholic household in which both parents routinely not only became drunk but also fought with each other, throwing dishes, smashing their fists into walls, passing out in front of the television. “B” learned, at an early age, to be tough, to withstand the hurt and shock of this horrible parental behavior by never letting anyone or anything take him down. Then many years later as a manager, he found himself getting a reputation for being a bully, for arguing with his reports over almost anything, again with no sense of where his defensive behavior was rooted.

Example C - Manager “C” attended upper class private schools starting in nursery school and going all the way through university. His parents were the epitome of “refined” and “influential.” “C” was continually coached to make his parents “proud” by exhibiting “good behavior.” Consequently it’s no surprise that he struggles with “concerns” about his behavior as a manager even though his parents are now not even in the same country where he is employed.