Facing Chaos? Focus on What You CAN Control

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Daniel Goleman

Updated Sat, Apr 16, 2016, 5:05 AM

Originally published by Daniel Goleman on LinkedIn: Facing Chaos? Focus on What You CAN Control

“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just bad gear. You can’t control the weather, but you can control the clothes and gear you use to deal with it.”

That’s what an outdoor leader I know says when she hears someone grumble about freezing rain or other “bad weather.”

While my friend is focused on actual temperatures and precipitation, people at all levels of leadership in organizations regularly contend with “storms” in their work – delays from suppliers, budget cuts from above, staff turnover, and more. Smart leaders do what they can to anticipate and manage the situations they may influence. The savviest leaders recognize that there is much in the external world they can’t control. And, they focus on what they can control.

What You Can Control

Amid a stormy work world, what a leader can control is herself or himself. That self-control is a core part of the emotional intelligence leaders need to be effective in their work. My colleague Dawa Tarchin Phillips is a coach and senior meditation teacher. He explored the topic of self-control as part of a webcast series on his Mindful Leadership Breakthrough System. Phillips breaks down self-control into five elements: Thoughts, Attitudes, Imagination, Words, and Actions. The initials of those elements spell TAIWA, a Japanese word that means interaction or conversation.

During the webinar, Phillips said:

T stands for thoughts, what you choose to think, consciously or unconsciously. There is a difference between thoughts you have and let go of, and those you choose to sustain and cultivate. Thoughts that arise and dissipate are simply the mind’s natural creativity. If you don’t invest in the reality or truth of those thoughts, they do not impact your state or behavior and your outcomes. If you entertain those thoughts as truth, they become mental actions taken that influence you and the results you see from your efforts.

A stands for attitudes, states of mind based on thoughts you believe. They are emotional states triggered by your thoughts and can be positive or negative, constructive or destructive. Our attitudes are perceivable by others and impact how others respond to us and our intentions and actions.

I stands for imagination, the images we hold in our minds. Whether we know it or not, we spend time imagining scenarios that have never actually happened and are never likely to happen. This produces much of our fear and worry. Fear arises when we imagine bad outcomes for ourselves, or others. Controlling our imagination allows us to manage our psychological and physiological response to the unknowns in our lives. Rather than fill our minds with images of fear and anxiety, we can choose images that support and empower us.

W stands for words. The words we speak are important. They alone can make or break a relationship and make or break the successful outcome of our goals. By choosing our words to be in alignment with our intentions and desired results, we position ourselves to be more effective and more influential no matter our place in life.

A stands for actions. The physical actions we take are powerful. They say more about us than all our thoughts, attitudes, imagination, and words combined. If you want to see what someone is thinking and feeling, just watch their actions. You will always see what truly motivates people based on the actions they take.”

How to Take Control

As with all of emotional intelligence, the first step to controlling each of these elements is to be aware of them. Developing mindfulness is an effective way to cultivate self-awareness. With mindfulness, we can train ourselves to notice our thoughts, feelings, and what is around us. And, with that awareness, we can choose whether or how to respond to what we experience. Like Phillips said, we can choose whether to pay attention to a thought or to let it go. We can choose to stay focused on the present moment.

Mindfulness seems fairly simple in principle, but it takes practice to develop the skill so you can use it with ease. If you’re new to the notion of mindfulness, you can get a taste of it with Mirabai Bush’s Working with Mindfulness audio exercises.

Remember that outdoor leader and the weather? She teaches people how to paddle a canoe. She says she can show anyone in five minutes the stroke you need to steer a canoe. But, understanding the mechanics of the stroke and being able to apply it are two different things. She said, “I tell my students that it just takes mileage. The first mile down the river, they’ll be zigzagging back and forth from riverbank to riverbank as they figure out how to use the stroke. By 10 miles down the river, they’ll be on a straighter path.”

The same is true for mindfulness. When you first try it out, you won’t be able to go very long without your mind wandering. Keep at it and you’ll get more adept at controlling your thoughts, attitudes, and imagination. From there, you’ll be more able to control your words and actions.

The Mindful Leadership Breakthrough System is designed to help executives and leadership development professionals apply mindfulness principles to overcome common internal and external barriers to presence, productivity and performance.