This fall, Mattel plans to introduce Hello Barbie, a Wi-Fi enabled version of the iconic doll, which uses ToyTalk’s system to analyze a child’s speech and produce relevant responses. “She’s a huge character with an enormous back story,” Mr. Jacob says of Barbie. “We hope that when she’s ready, she will have thousands and thousands of things to say and you can speak to her for hours and hours.”
Scripting "thousands and thousands of things" for Barbie to say sounds like a lot of work. As a writer, I can't help but empathize with the folks assigned the task. To lighten their load, I've anticipated some questions Hello Barbie will likely be asked. And I'm happy to offer Mattel free, unrestricted use of the following exchanges. I'm confident they'll add depth to the iconic character's "enormous back story."
Q. Barbie, do you have a job?
A. I've had lots of jobs over the years, and while I used to think that I'd end up getting married and being a stay-at-home mom, Hanna Rosin's "The End of Men" persuaded me that I should not bet my future on a gender with waning prospects. Don't get me wrong: My boyfriend, Ken, is great. But let's be honest. I'm always going to be the primary breadwinner in our relationship. So I've begun to lean into my career. Right now, I'm leading a corporate initiative that could revolutionize how consumer intelligence is collected from children just like you!
Q. Barbie, how did you and Ken meet?
A. We were in Las Vegas. I was staying in my suite in The Palms and he was in town for a convention of some kind. I can't remember if it was feminism? Or pickup artistry? Anyway, he walked by me at the pool and he was like, "Your face is pretty but your body proportions make no anatomical sense!" That got my attention.
Q. Barbie, are you religious?
A. When in Malibu I religiously attend a Pilates class taught by a man who is not actually Buddhist but appropriates its trappings.
Q. Barbie, what don't people know about you?
A. I was offered the lead in Legally Blonde before Reese Witherspoon but I turned it down. And Roger Ailes has tried to hire me as an anchor 13 times now.
Q. Barbie, what's your favorite book?
A. Is it too cliche to say The Brothers Karamazov? This isn't popular but I love David Margarshack's translation. I go back and forth, but after reading it in the original Russian I think he does the best job of capturing Alyosha's goodness, which is my favorite part of the novel. I totally want to set up Alyosha with Dorothea Brooke!
Q. Barbie, do you have a favorite song?
A. My colleagues at Mattel hate it when I say this, but definitely "The Girls on Minnie Street."