America’s Immortal Cereal
America’s Immortal Cereal · The Atlantic

I was eating a bowl of Corn Flakes in my apartment and I picked out a single flake, looked at it, and wondered what it was. Of course, I could turn the box around and see the list of ingredients. They were Trader Joe’s Organic Corn Flakes and they were made from organic milled corn, organic evaporated cane juice, sea salt, organic barley malt extract, soy lecithin, and some vitamins. But how, I wondered, did milled corn turn into this thin, bumpy thing—golden, delicate, and slightly translucent in the light? I thought of a corn kernel, popped corn, corn tortillas, and cornbread, all of which I’ve prepared in my kitchen. I understood how those foods were transformed from their raw ingredients. But I could summon no vision about the flake. Out of curiosity, I saved it and waited for it to mold. It didn’t.

As far as processed foods go, Corn Flakes appear unsophisticated. They’ve got nothing on Malt-O-Meal Berry Colossal Crunch with Marshmallows, for example, which looks more like a spread of miniature prizes from a claw-grab game than something you eat. Nor can they compete with Kraft Dips Guacamole, the complexity of which made it the subject of a lawsuit due to its paltry avocado content (less than 2 percent). In fact, there is innovation in a Corn Flake, but you can’t really see it. Eighty-eight percent of corn is genetically engineered, so non-organic brands likely include corn grown from designer seed. The science behind these seeds is controversial. It’s also coveted; in 2013, six Chinese nationals were indicted for trying to steal Monsanto’s GMO corn seeds, worth tens of millions. One of the men was caught digging in an Iowa cornfield.

Along with a bajillion other ready-to-eat foods, cereals depend on shelf life. Even a “fresh” apple may be more than a year old. Martin Lindstrom, a marketer by profession, says in Brandwashed: Tricks Companies Use to Manipulate Our Minds and Persuade Us to Buy that the average apple you buy in the supermarket has been off the tree for 14 months. In cereals, the problem of freshness can be solved in several ways. Trader Joe’s Corn Flakes contain mixed tocopherols (Vitamin E); Kellogg’s adds the preservative BHT to its packaging. The makers of early Corn Flakes devised a solution that required no additives and shot the product’s popularity up like the puck in a strongman game at a Corn Belt county fair.

Oddly enough, Corn Flakes were apparently invented as an antidote to masturbation, according to several accounts. A medical movement originating in the early 18th century declared that solitary sex led to illness, ranging from spinal tuberculosis and epilepsy to bad posture. A century later, these anxieties still held. John Harvey Kellogg believed that spicy foods and meats could encourage sexual arousal and lead to “self-pollution.” To avoid that horror, he advised a vegetarian diet with lots of cereal grains—which he was perpetually trying to coax into a palatable form. He was an influential figure who preached that cereal would save lives. “I get erections,” one patient confesses to a fictionalized Kellogg in the film adaptation of T.C. Boyle’s novel The Road to Wellville. “I warn you sir,” the doctor replies. “An erection is a flagpole on your grave.”