3 Signs You and Your Partner Need a ‘Finance Date Night’

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3 Signs You and Your Partner Need a ‘Finance Date Night’ — and How To Set It Up

Cindy Lamothe

Sat, Sep 21, 2024, 7:01 PM 4 min read

Everyone says it’s essential for couples to have a “date night,” especially if you have kids. You and your partner need this time to reconnect, to give each other your undivided attention and to go over the dreams you both share.

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And while keeping the spark alive is vital for a healthy relationship, so is talking finances, as dull and stressful as that may sound. According to experts, having a “finance date night” is exactly what will keep you both more connected and more confident when it comes to money.

There are many signs that can show you should set this date up immediately. Here are a few you should look out for.

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Avoiding Conversations About Money

According to Dr. Brooke Keels, a chief clinical officer at Lighthouse Recovery Texas, a common sign that you might be out of touch with your partner financially is if either of you regularly avoid conversations about money.

“Maybe you find yourself dodging topics like budgeting or expenses, or you notice your partner getting tense whenever the subject comes up,” said Keels. “It’s like you both know there’s an elephant in the room, but neither of you wants to address it.”

There could be many reasons for this, including the stress, arguments or guilt that can come with financial discussions. However, Keels warned that avoidance and lack of communication about finances can often lead to misunderstandings, resentment and even bigger issues in the relationship.

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Frequent and Surprising Spending Habits

Another telltale sign that you and your partner might be financially out of sync is if your partner’s spending habits are becoming a frequent surprise.

“For example,” said Keels, “you might find unexpected charges popping up on your joint account or discover that your partner has been indulging in unplanned splurges without discussing it with you first.

“When this happens, it can be pretty shocking and, sometimes, disappointing. It can also lead to trust issues and feelings of betrayal if it happens repeatedly.”

Your Financial Goals and Values Aren’t Aligning

Keels also recommended looking out for discrepancies in your financial goals and values, as this could be a possible sign that you and your partner are out of touch financially. In other words, you aren’t on the same page when it comes to long-term plans for your money.

“For instance, if one of you is saving for a house while the other wants to travel the world, or if one prefers a frugal lifestyle while the other loves luxury shopping,” explained Keels.

These differences in priorities and perspectives will most likely cause conflicts and strain in the relationship.

Here’s How To Set Up Your ‘Finance Date Night’

Keels noted that communication is always the best way to solve any issue in a relationship, including the financial ones.

She said, “If you feel like you and your partner have been avoiding or neglecting discussions about money, it might be time to set up a time for you both to really sit down, focus and talk about your finances.”

And as she went on to explain, having this safe, uninterrupted space can help you both feel more comfortable and open to discussing any concerns or issues you might have. Here are a few ways to ensure your money talk is a success.

Create a Relaxing Environment

Keels advised creating an actual “date night” to talk through your finances.

She said, “… Grab some snacks, maybe a [bottle] of wine and bring out your finances to review together. This way, the atmosphere is more relaxed, and you both won’t feel too overwhelmed or triggered by the topic.”

Really Listen to Each Other

Depending on your preference and availability, this “finance date night” could be one long session or multiple shorter ones. What’s important is taking the opportunity to reconnect with each other about your financial goals, challenges and concerns.

“Listen to each other’s perspectives and try to understand where [you’re each] coming from without judgment,” added Keels.

Review and Plan

This date night can also be an excellent time to set up a budget together or revise your current one based on how the conversation is going. With your goals and needs re-aligned, you’ll be able to make sure your budget is set up for success.

Remember that you’re a team, and these tough conversations will continue to pop up over the course of your relationship.

Keels said, “Money is one of the top reasons for conflicts in relationships, so being proactive and regularly checking-in with each other can prevent bigger issues down the road.”

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