The Apple Watch is totally irrelevant: Henry Blodget

I'm an Apple customer and shareholder. I watched parts of the live-stream of the launch yesterday — when it wasn't crapping out. I looked at pictures and videos of the new products. I read some early "takes" on the products.

So it's time to rush to judgment.

And here's my judgment — as a customer first, and then as a shareholder.

My judgment as an Apple customer...

THE iPHONE 6: Yay!

Apple has finally caught up with the rest of the market and launched a smartphone that isn't tiny. I've been a loyal iPhone user for 5 years, and I've been waiting for this particular upgrade for the past two. The faster processor, better battery, and better camera are also appealing to me.  Great job, Apple.

THE iPHONE 6 PLUS: Yay!!

Bigger is better, and Apple has not only finally launched an iPhone that isn't tiny, it has launched an iPhone that is actually big. No more squinting. No more listening to movies because I can barely see them. No more watching sports without being able to see the ball. The iPhone 6 Plus has a bigger battery, too. The only thing that might deter me from getting the Plus is the weight — it might seem heavy. Everything else sounds great. Awesome job, Apple.

APPLE PAY: Cool!

Apple's vision is to make my wallet irrelevant. I would consider it awesome if Apple managed to do that. Apple has a long, long way to go in executing that vision, but Apple Pay is a strong step in the right direction. I find credit cards extremely convenient, however, so I'm not yet sold on the idea that Apple Pay is going to be that much more convenient than my wallet. But it looks a lot more convenient and cooler than any other "wallet" solutions out there to date. Now that Apple has adopted the NFC (Near Field Communication) standard, mobile payments may finally begin to gain critical mass.

APPLE WATCH: Meh.

Yes, I know. Apple fanboys are hyperventilating about the Watch. Yes, Apple has done the Watch better than other earlier smartwatches. Yes, Apple fanboys will line up for days to buy the Watch and then, once they get it, collapse in paroxysms of pride and ecstasy. I don't care. I have zero interest in the watch. I've been waiting for years to have a bigger mobile screen, and I don't consider it even the slightest inconvenience to carry it around with me. The last thing I want to do is also carry a tiny screen, especially one that won't work without my iPhone. I don't want to carry another charge cord everywhere. I don't see anything the Watch can do that my iPhone can't do better (except, perhaps, some biometrics, which I don't care enough about to shell out another $349, put something on my wrist, and carry around another charge cord for). I realize that the Watch looks better than some other smartwatches, but it's still chunky and blocky.  $349 is a lot of money for something I don't need or want. So the fanboys will be having their religious experiences without me.